Retreat: Part 2

Ok, retreat part 2...uh.....AMAZING!!!

The above picture is of me and three of the most amazing women I know....my only problem is there are about 5 other women who should have been in that picture.  Hopefully after next years retreat, I will have a pic of us all to share with you.

SO, retreat....Faith, Hope, Love...that was our theme.  I knew that going in, and I knew that there were going to be three workshops that ran simultaneously on each of those three subjects, it was so hard for me to figure out what one I was supposed to go to, all the way up until the first night there, then God made it clear to me where I needed to go.  I went to: Love. My wonderful friend taught the class, she did an amazing job! I am so thankful for her. So, her class reminded me of some things I had neglected, but you know how sometimes, the journey is way better than the destination....it was kind of like that for me this weekend.  I don't know that I would say that being there and fellow shipping was better than the class...it's more like it was just as good as the class. The Lord spoke to me through so many avenues this weekend, and I am so thankful for such an amazing God!

One thing I will touch on is that things get crazy sometimes in a marriage, mine is certainly no different.  Going to this retreat in the midst of a very hard time for me and my man, I needed to step back and see things for what they really were.  A couple things I was reminded of was that I am not God to my man, and I need to quit trying to do God's job....it's God's job, not mine. My job is to be there for my man, loving him and supporting him....God's job (and my man's) is the rest.  It was almost liberating for me to realize that is what I have been doing. Well, maybe not almost...it IS liberating. 

Another thing God showed me, which may not make sense to a lot of people, is, I have a little guy who gets pretty emotional and when he is on overload, he really breaks down....and the way I calm him is to take his face in my hands, make him take a deep breath, make him look me in they eyes and I gently tell him, "It's o.k., everything is going to be just fine...you need to calm down, it's o.k." Well, as you can imagine, THAT exact thing is what I felt the Lord telling me this weekend, I "felt" HIM cup His hands around my face, tell me to focus on Him, keep breathing, and tell me, "It's o.k., everything is going to be just fine, just focus on me, it's o.k."  MAN, I love the Lord!!! I am so thankful He is in control of my life!!

Well, that was a couple of highlights of my retreat....there really is so much more, like ladies being baptized in the ocean, ladies being baptized in the lake, good food, speed loving, fellow shipping till the wee hours of the morning and laughing harder than I have in a long while....so much fun, so little words.

Hope you all have an amazing day! <3

Retreat: Part 1

I decided to go ahead and post about retreat, before retreat. :-) It never ceases to amaze me how amazing God's timing is.  With so much personal "junk" going on, and really feeling, well...not the greatest I have ever felt, I am soooo thankful to have this retreat to...retreat to.  I need my battery recharged!  I know that with as much warfare as we have had, me and my family....my friends and their families...etc....that God is going to do something amazing this weekend, and I can't wait.  I can't wait for the car ride there with my "sisters", I can't wait to "get away from it all" and have time to truly focus completely on God, and listen for His direction.  I know part of my "junk" is my own doing, my own bad attitudes, my own wrong reaction to things....the thing about retreat is, you have a set apart time to refocus and get down and dirty with God and ask Him to really help you get the self control you need TO respond to life properly...THAT is what I am looking forward to. I can't wait for the lessons I will learn this weekend, the relationships that will grow deeper, and the car ride back with my sisters.  I know that if we will just let go, if we will just leave the cares of life behind and focus on the joys of life instead, if we will let God have complete control (yes I said control) of our weekend...in fact, our lives....that nothing but amazing things can and will happen.  No, not a life without issues, or "junk" but a life that is SO focused on HIM that we can see His hand at work in those "junky" times and sing a song of love, joy, and thanksgiving in our heart, knowing HE KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING!!!
I kind of feel like I am rambling a bit, but I just want to say, I am sooo looking forward to retreat, and I can't wait to tell you all about it when we get home.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

I gotta be better about this

Yes yes, I know, it has been forever since posting, and frankly, I am not sure anyone even reads these things, but that's ok.  We have been so busy it's ridiculous. Lots of changes in our family.  We have a son who is leaving for bootcamp in the next couple of month...can't believe it's already about that time, we recently felt the Lord asking us to step out in faith and move on from where we have been going to church for YEARS!!!  I just want to take a moment to address that... We have been members of our church for years...as a matter of fact, Erik was heavily involved in ministry...I was involved, but mostly as a help mate recently....anyway, we felt the Lord calling us out from there and it was one of the most difficult things we have ever had to obey HIM in...we love that church, we love those people, we love the teaching...it did not make sense to us, but it was clear clear clear that we had to step away and it is purely a step of faith.  We don't really know what's next, but we ARE trusting God and taking it a step at a time.  It really is important to me that people who know us and know the church know that there was not some big bad thing that happened or that we were unhappy or anything like that, I really don't want rumors to get started...we just had to be obedient and that's that. We are completely excited about the future, the present is a little hard because it's new, but we know HE has a future and a purpose for us...please keep us in prayer.
Other than that, there is not a lot, but yet a lot going on....anybody know what that's like?? :-) I (again) am going to try to be better about posting...until next time, everyone have a great day....IT'S GOOD FRIDAY....Praise the Lord for my SALVATION!!

Grrr....

You know...I WAS supposed to be better about blogging, but somehow, time just slips by, I get hooked into Facebook, I get too too busy and here you go, over a month goes by and no blog.  OK Lord, help me be better about this.
I am making it short, still, lots going on..especially today (took my daughter to the ER) but one thing I know, and am infinitely thankful for...God is in control....I am NOT in control.....God is in control!!!

Valentines day is soon, and I just have to say that no matter what (and there have been plenty of "whats") I am so in love with my husband, so thankful that God put us together, and barring the Lord's return, am excited to spend the next 50+ years with him. Hope you all have a great valentines day!!!

A New Year

Well...it's 2010.  I really have a hard time believing it.  Well, accepting it is more like it.  So, if you ever read my blog...you know that I am very proud to say that I have a teenage son who has joined the Army....all that has been wonderful until 2009 turned into 2010.  I don't know what came over me....but the new year overwhelmed me with the reality that 2010 is when Tom GRADUATES HIGH SCHOOL!!! And even more...2010 is when he leaves for bootcamp.  For some reason, when it was 2009 it seemed far off...but now that it is officially 2010....not so far away.  Yes...we have about six more months..but still...it is only SIX more months....grrr. I am working very hard to hold in the tears....I can't be "Sappy Mom" for the next six months....I will have to wait till like the last five months maybe... ;-)

So, today...the kids are back in school, the hubby is at work, and I have my home back to myself. A friend and I were just talking last night about how much we aboslutely adore our families....but having our homes to ourselves is something to be cherished.  I can actually get things done when there are no distractions around.  So, I have the chicken tortilla soup going in the crock pot and a spice cake baking in the oven...all for bible study tonight..I can fold my laundry in my own time with no distractions....I can clean up the kitchen in my own time, with no distractions.  Then, my family will come home, friends will come over, we will study God's word....and it will all be so very wonderful. I ache for ALL my friends and family to be right next door, or just down the street so we can all get together whenever we want....but it's time for me to stop being a whiner about it and be thankful for emails, phones....cars that make some drives 3.5 hrs...others 6 hrs. Thankful to have all these people in our life...for just the right moments in just the right places....with just the right things to say or things to do.

It's a new year....and it's going to be a dramatically changing year for my family...so...instead of longing for things I can't have (like Mom's who live in the same town as me...sister's who live on the street between us and friends that live close enough to meet for coffee) I am going to enjoy every moment of this year...

Happy New Year everybody...have a wonderfully blessed day.

It's the Most Stressful Time of the Year

Sing it with me now....It's the most stressful time....of the yeaaaaar!! ;0)
Really....I cannot believe how stressed I have been over this wonderful wonderful wonderful time of remembrance that my SAVIOR was born. I think it's stressful to me because that "I have to please everybody" thing kicks in. NO other time of the year to I feel I have to please EVERYBODY....I feel quite confident in being who God made me....being directed to do what He wants me to do....for who HE wants me to do...and it usually does not encompass EVERYBODY all at once. But then Christmas comes along....and my heartrate increases...I break out in a sweat....and I feel like I am going to vomit. I feel this intense pressure that I have to BUY something for EVERYBODY for Christmas, or they will think I don't love them...and I don't know about you, but we didn't get one of those wonderful tree's out in the back yard that you can just go pick money off of....the Lord provides for us....but again, we are not "made of money". It gets so bad for me, that I look at what I have gotten my own children and feel like I am letting them down. I have a sickness....a sickness that is at it's peak at Christmas time.

WELL NOT ANYMORE SATAN!!! I have determined that I am NOT and let me repeat NOT going to let the devil have the victory over me on this one. We all know Christmas is not about the presents....we all know it's not about how much we spend on each other....but somehow, the enemy sneaks in and makes it all about those things....we need to rewind our minds and remember....AS WONDERFUL AS PRESENTS ARE....IT IS NOT NOT NOT WHAT CHRISTMAS IS!!!

Here is what Christmas is to me: Christmas, first and absolutely foremost, is about one of the most wonderful events to ever happen in human history....our Savior gave up HIS throne in heaven....He humbled Himself....and was born, born to do a job here on earth....so we can go to heaven without having to do anything but believe and accept HIM. I know we know that, and kind of skim over it this time of year...but REALLY.....think about it....HE WAS IN HEAVEN WITH GOD....HE HAD EVERYTHING.....AND HE GAVE IT ALL UP....WHY....BECAUSE HE LOVES US!! BECAUSE HE KNEW WE NEEDED A SAVIOR...SOMEONE TO SAVE US FROM THE WRETCHEDNESS OF SIN!! THAT should be our focus. Not presents, not getting presents, not giving presents. I am not saying...don't give gifts...I am saying don't be so focused on giving gifts and pleasing everybody that we forget THE GIFT. We have gotten so far off track....and we need to get back. And second...it's about coming together with family and friends and loving on each other and creating memories with each other...that is a great great gift.

I DEEPLY LOVE EVERY friend God has placed in my life....but I cannot afford to buy something for every one of them...no matter how much I want to. We have determined, Erik and I, that we have to scale back...and we are starting that this year, please know that just cause you don't get a gift from us, does not mean we don't love you...WE DO!!

So, I am changing my "Most Stressful Time of the Year" back to.... "It's the Most WONDERFUL Time of the Year!" I am taking back my heartrate...and wiping the sweat from my brow and holding down my cookies.. :0)

Hope this is not too much ramblin on...have a blessed day!

Change

I have not been here posting in a while....partly because I have been going through some things, then we had our retreat, then, as always, life seemed to explode in activity....making little time for sitting down and really thinking about what I might like to post. Well...as I sit here, only one word comes to my mind....CHANGE. It's amazing to me how when we are young adults, right out of high school, we feel so grown up....so adventurous....so "I can do anything"....then as we get a little older, we realize "I can't do as much as I thought I can do"....we start getting a better grasp on consequences to our actions.....the bills need to get paid again this month.....are my kids healthy....you know...REALITY! But.....every now and then in our lifetime there is a change. You can feel it coming on....sometimes it's confusing to you why you feel differently about something, or why you just flat out feel different. Sometime (a lot of the time) we fight change....not the normal fighting of stepping out of our comfort zone kind of change...but the "my whole mentality of life is changing" kind of change. I know I know...we are always changing, but sometimes that change is so impactful in you personally, that it takes you by surprise and your not quite sure what to do with it. I am not leading up to some big thing that has happened in our lives or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I would say, things are as they pretty much always have been....and I am blessed with the life God has given me. My change right now is more of a inner change. We recently took our kids on a ten day trip to see my sister in Stockton, and then down to Disneyland for three days, then back up to Stockton to have Thanksgiving. It was a nice trip....and I always love to see my sister and her family....but when I got home...I realized I had changed. My husband and I have always been pretty spontaneous people...just getting up one morning and deciding we want to take a drive to nowhere and find something fun to do with the kids at nowhere. It has not been uncommon for me to decide about a week in advance that I will pack up the kids and head to Stockton just on a whim...I have this sense in me though, that those days are starting to come to a close. Not that there won't be trips anymore...or spontaneous local road trips.....I am still married to a very "busy" kind of guy. But I guess what I am saying is my focus is different. I remember when my Grandma Ella May was alive, she once said to me that I would never be happy settling down in one place, I would always have to move on eventually. She was only speaking a characteristic about me, but I remember it kind of hurt my feelings (I don't know why)....I think she was right though. Right until now. I have an overwhelming sense of settling down. Staying "home"...not doing a lot of traveling...just the normal traveling up to Medford...and still to Stockton...but much more planned out in the future. I think I can pinpoint what it is...and I am sure I have blogged about it before...but I am gaining from the Lord, an overwhelming sense of contentedness and peace, and an overwhelming amount of love for HIM. Being able to let go of anything and everything in your life and really handing it all over to HIM....including what tomorrow may bring....it is so invaluable....I wish I could truly express what I am trying to say....well...God knows.
I hope everyone is having a truly blessed holiday season....and I hope to be here posting more.