Change

I have not been here posting in a while....partly because I have been going through some things, then we had our retreat, then, as always, life seemed to explode in activity....making little time for sitting down and really thinking about what I might like to post. Well...as I sit here, only one word comes to my mind....CHANGE. It's amazing to me how when we are young adults, right out of high school, we feel so grown up....so adventurous....so "I can do anything"....then as we get a little older, we realize "I can't do as much as I thought I can do"....we start getting a better grasp on consequences to our actions.....the bills need to get paid again this month.....are my kids healthy....you know...REALITY! But.....every now and then in our lifetime there is a change. You can feel it coming on....sometimes it's confusing to you why you feel differently about something, or why you just flat out feel different. Sometime (a lot of the time) we fight change....not the normal fighting of stepping out of our comfort zone kind of change...but the "my whole mentality of life is changing" kind of change. I know I know...we are always changing, but sometimes that change is so impactful in you personally, that it takes you by surprise and your not quite sure what to do with it. I am not leading up to some big thing that has happened in our lives or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I would say, things are as they pretty much always have been....and I am blessed with the life God has given me. My change right now is more of a inner change. We recently took our kids on a ten day trip to see my sister in Stockton, and then down to Disneyland for three days, then back up to Stockton to have Thanksgiving. It was a nice trip....and I always love to see my sister and her family....but when I got home...I realized I had changed. My husband and I have always been pretty spontaneous people...just getting up one morning and deciding we want to take a drive to nowhere and find something fun to do with the kids at nowhere. It has not been uncommon for me to decide about a week in advance that I will pack up the kids and head to Stockton just on a whim...I have this sense in me though, that those days are starting to come to a close. Not that there won't be trips anymore...or spontaneous local road trips.....I am still married to a very "busy" kind of guy. But I guess what I am saying is my focus is different. I remember when my Grandma Ella May was alive, she once said to me that I would never be happy settling down in one place, I would always have to move on eventually. She was only speaking a characteristic about me, but I remember it kind of hurt my feelings (I don't know why)....I think she was right though. Right until now. I have an overwhelming sense of settling down. Staying "home"...not doing a lot of traveling...just the normal traveling up to Medford...and still to Stockton...but much more planned out in the future. I think I can pinpoint what it is...and I am sure I have blogged about it before...but I am gaining from the Lord, an overwhelming sense of contentedness and peace, and an overwhelming amount of love for HIM. Being able to let go of anything and everything in your life and really handing it all over to HIM....including what tomorrow may bring....it is so invaluable....I wish I could truly express what I am trying to say....well...God knows.
I hope everyone is having a truly blessed holiday season....and I hope to be here posting more.