I love the Lord SSSOOO MUCH!!!
If I were honest with myself, I would have to admit that I have had a hurricane brewing within me for quite some time now. It's funny how we don't always recognize that hurricane in us...we just think it's a normal everyday feeling. I have been sick since a week ago Sunday. I AM feeling better...but not completely yet. I only mention I have been sick because that sickness has taken me out of "life" for a week and a half. I am usually much more on the go, much more busy around here, and have MUCH more on my mind. I hate being sick, but I love that when we are sick, it gives us the opportunity to shut ourselves up long enough to hear from God. I think HE has allowed my sickness to linger, so I can learn a couple of things about myself that I either didn't know, or wasn't willing to admit.
I remember several years ago, my Grandma Ella May once said of me that I would never be content to stay in one place for very long...that I always need change, always need to move or be on the go...etc. etc...never "hunker down" in one place for good. I remember that it hurt me that she said that, because, in my mind, even way back then, my dream was always to have a place to call home...a place to stay forever (as forever as we can be here on this earth serving the Lord). A place that I would NEVER have to pack up and move away from again....and the thought that SHE thought I would never be that person, hurt my feelings. I KNOW she did not say it in a hurtful way, and she would have been crushed to think she hurt my feelings...but that statement has always stuck with me. Every time we have moved, I hear Grandma's voice.
I have been in a place where I desperately want to move again, and I don't even know why. I feel like Nebraska is on my mind...I don't know why....I have dear friends in Medford, and would love nothing more than to live near them all, to the point I was almost making myself sick from the fact that I don't live near them, and can't see them anytime I want.
So, what's my point in all of this? In this sickness over the last week and a half, I have been completely, overwhelmingly reminded that "Godliness with contentment is great gain" 1 Timothy 6:6 Contentment...this really has not been one of my strong suits. I mean...I AM content in many many things, but I am NOT content in a few things that I need to let go of. So, I am letting go of moving away (not that that was ever really an option). I AM content here...I have wonderful friends who I desperately love, we live in a beautiful little town, with a wonderful little church, Erik and I were just discussing what wonderful teachers our kids have had this year...we love our little school, we live in a beautiful home (we rent, but who knows what God will provide where that is concerned). I am letting go of having to know what's around the corner for us...God has that under control. I am letting go of feelings that have been feeding me lies: You need to move to Nebraska to be in Gods will....you need to move to Medford to be near new friends and in God's will.
"A Far Stretch To Simple"...I have learned that true contentment for me in going to come in the form of simplicity. I am a far stretch from simple now...but with God's help, for my role as wife and mom, I want to move us to the simple life....less gadgets....more campfires.....less t.v. ....more family walks.....less fast food (which we have been doing immensely better at)..... more fresh food (maybe a trip to farmers market?) I wish I knew how to sew, and make jams...etc....I know it all sounds so "Little House On The Prairie" but, what's wrong with that?
Lord, thank You for this time of sickness!
Have a wonderfully blessed day!
P.S. I should mention that we only live 3.5 hours away from Medford, and I CAN go there pretty much anytime I want. AND I only live 6 hours away from my wonderful sister and her family....can't get there as much as I want...but I sure make the effort to do so. A 6hr trip is a far cry from when they lived in Wyoming....thank the Lord they are soooo much closer now.